Inquiries into the Heart...
At a recent women’s circle our facilitator invited us to connect with our hearts and ask what they had to tell us. I’ve done this practice a handful of times before, but the heart that spoke to me that day was different.
This heart had something new to say. This heart was wider, deeper, wiser. It was more courageous and expanded than the heart I’ve previously connected with, and it turned out that this heart was ready for my mind and Spirit to expand with it.
Following the facilitator's suggestion, I placed my hand over my chest and asked my heart what it had to say.
It didn’t take long for my heart to speak out in a powerful and knowing voice: “I have so much love to give.”
I smiled and silently replied, “Yes, I know.”
“I’m not finished,” my heart spoke back. “I have so much love to give, yet you box me in and hold me back.”
Now my mind was curious. “What do you mean I box you in?”
“You have been holding me captive as you’ve searched high and low for ‘The One’: for this one particular man with whom you will share me, but these walls cannot contain me forever.”
She went on…
“I have so much love to give. I want to love this person right in front of me, I want to love that person over there, I want you to release me so that I can fall in love with anyone or anything I choose.”
“I have so much love to give and I’m no longer willing to wait for ‘The One.’ I am ready to love now and it’s time you set me free.”
The yearnings of my heart brought up a lot for my mind to grapple with…
“So you want me to be bi-sexual? That person over there is a woman in case you didn’t notice. Does this mean I’m going to be polyamorous? What will people think? Are you sure that person wants my love? That could open the door to a lot of rejection, you know.”
Some other part of me recognized that the process of releasing the love in my heart had already begun…
Over the weekend prior to this workshop, I had found myself staring into the eyes of a dear sister with whom I felt so much love that my whole body seemed to vibrate with the joy of our connection.
A week or so before that I was on the phone with a client and I felt so much love for that person that I found myself singing and twirling around the room once we finished our session.
The funny thing about my mind is that it has been really concerned that offering my love meant I would be tempted into sexual desire for anyone I let myself feel too much love for.
But I’m beginning to understand that I am capable of deep, enlivening, intimate love that doesn’t have to cross into the bounds of sexuality!
So I have entered into a new heart-honoring practice: Rather than noticing my mind immediately sizing up a new person based on their romantic compatibility, I am finding myself curious about what level of lovership I might find with the human in front of me.
In saying this, I want to be clear that I am not claiming to be an enlightened being who is in love with every person I meet, but rather that I have been allowing myself to feel as much love as my heart has to feel towards any person, place or thing I come across.
Through this practice I am finding myself loving a lot more people a lot more deeply than I ever imagined possible.
*Side note that how I can best channel my sexual energy has become an entire queendom of inquiry all in itself! Perhaps I will share more of that exploration in time.