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  • Writer's pictureOni

The 4 a.m. 4x4 Awakening

Have you ever had an experience that ever so clearly pointed out that life, God, Source *whatever word fits for you* wants to help you wake up to be the best human you can be? To live your best life?

Back in April I was preparing to lead a sacred healing circle. The weeks leading up to that circle were incredibly tumultuous; I was facing massive waves of anxiety, confusion and overwhelm with the simplest of tasks.

Throughout this challenging time, my awareness was shedding light on an energetic thread of victim consciousness that was underlying many of my thought streams.

I noticed a sense of sadness and hopelessness that life had to be so hard. My thoughts were portraying life as something that was happening to me and I didn’t have a choice but to try to force myself to show up as best as I could.

At one point the heaviness was so overwhelming that I wondered if I was capable of leading myself through a simple text response, let alone leading a group of women through a healing gathering.

Out of desperation I reached out to some of the women who were supporting the group, and with their encouragement and willingness to step in as much as I needed them too, I agreed to show up as best I could for the gathering.

Though I relaxed into the knowing that I was completely held by my sisters, I woke up at 4:30 am to go to the bathroom and I found myself thinking, “ugh. My house, my private, quiet sanctuary, is going to be invaded by all of these women tonight who I have to support.”

And then it hit me. Literally.

A 4x4 post smacked me right in the face, out of nowhere.

Okay, so technically I walked into it, but I have done that walk hundreds of times in the dark and never hit a single thing in my space, but for some reason that night the dark, combined with mindless victim thinking, placed the post right in the middle of my path.


I was so shocked that I almost took a swing at the post. I began cursing at life, “fine! No women’s circle tonight! I give up!!!”

But then I noticed that there was water everywhere. Or so I thought it was water. Until my brain started calculating that it might be blood. A lot of blood.

I rushed to get a light on to verify what my brain was putting together… my forehead/eyebrow was indeed gushing blood.

After finding a towel and an ice pack I climbed onto my bed and sobbed. “What the F#@K, Life!?! Why are you picking on me?”

That’s when it occurred to me that there might be a lesson involved, and I began backtracking to what I was thinking about when I ran into that post.

It didn’t take long for the “a-ha” moment to come.

“Was I really complaining about there being people in my home that night? Haven’t I been praying for years to lead these circles? Haven’t I been praying for years for everything that I am currently living?”


“Yes. I have.”

I recognized in that moment that almost everything about my current life experience is the answer to years and years of prayers.

Where I live, how I live, who I live with, what I get to do with my time. All of it is nothing short of a miracle for any human, and especially me given the life I came from.

This exact life, the one that some part of my mind has been projecting to be a big burden, is a dream come true. LITERALLY *MANY* DREAMS COME TRUE!

Yet, there I was. “Poor me. I have to share my space with 6 rad women who are devoted to the health and wellness of themselves and this human family.”

Wow. Thank you Spirit. Thank you for smacking me in the face with some much needed perspective; perspective powerful enough to completely shift my view of my life.

With gratitude and deep humility I co-created a potent and magical healing circle that night.

It seems that even a 4x4 to the face can be the answer to my prayers.

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